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Chapter Fifteen of Online Memoir: A summer of Redemption

This chapter is primarily about the days between April 4th and  September 1 1977. That was a summer after my seventh grade year, having found my way back to the life of my class in my old school of Mount Carmel Elementary – from my not-quite-girlfriend’s birthday to the days when I was settling into eighth grade. 

I was writing the main draft of this chapter on the days of the second week of the Catholic Easter Season. One of these days was special because there was a solar eclipse with a path of totality across the middle of the United States. Clara and I thought about going to Dallas where I have a sister and she has a brother and we both have friends. But we could not make it work. So we held hands and looked through eclipse glasses that came with two Black Out Slushes from Sonic. We really enjoy Sonic Diet Cherry Limeades and so it is cool to have a pair of Sonic branded mementoes of this occasion. If God wanted to send a special message to the people of this planet, the total eclipse would be a good way to do it. For the magnificent life giving sun has is four hundred times larger than the Moon and is also 400 times as far away. That is a sort of permanent miracle. The partial eclipses Clara and I saw might likely be seen on any planet that has eyes to see and a moon but the total eclipse is something else. We were able to feel the temperature drop a bit and when we got close to our most intense eclipse of 90% of the sun blocked by the Moon – the streetlights in Abbeville were triggered because their photo sensors were  able to detect nightfall. I was joyful and blessed to be with the woman I love. Joyously we were  making memories almost three years after we met up again after not seeing each other for  forty-five years. I wondered, as I often have since we got together, if things might have been different for both of us if we had gone to high school together. I don’t know but It doesn’t seem likely we would have found a way into a relationship as high school sweethearts because I was so  far from comfortable and so close to high school. I feel sad that I did not become part of her story in that way but I was just really trying to survive at the school we both attended last time we  were in school together.

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On April 10, 2021 I saw Clara Duhon for the first time in 45 years. I had a lot of strong positive memories of her from the otherwise very unhappy middle school years, even though we were not close at that time. I got her number after we flirted somewhat inappropriately while helping my best friend in town and her best friend in town (who are brother and sister) to plan their father’s funeral. Jude and Jackie were supportive friends in our early relationship. We are still good friends, Jackie was in that same middle school class. Clara and I got engaged on December 10. 2021. We got married on November 19, 2022. There were really no times before running into her that I thought I would end up married to one of my classmates from Mount Carmel Elementary School.  

Abbeville is the town Clara and I  would both claim as our hometown. Our hometown was built and planned by a priest named  Pere Antoine Desire Megret bought the land for the town (160 arpents ) from my ancestors  Joseph Leblanc and Isabelle Broussard on July 25, 1843.The couple seems to have had three houses and the house on the land he bought was used as the first St.Mary Magdalen Parish  Church at the heart of the town he called La Chapelle. He had many practical aspects of the city plan he created with principles of gravity for future plumbing, social cohesion, convenient transit and raising money with subdivisions and creating a rational administrative and taxable geography. That was the part of him that was part of the life of the progressive journalist he had been in France when the newspaper he was associated with fell afoul of the powerful of the Catholic Church.But the part that came from the devout priest and fervent missionary that he still was is apparent in the names he chose for the streets. The central artery of the town’s original plan is Charity Street (Rue de la Charité ) which is named for the greatest Christian virtue. This mainstreet of our town was sort of separated from the Styx by one and a half blocks  of a more respectable neighborhood. Some very fine homes (by Abbeville standards stood along the street along with banks and large stores on the main street called Charity. My great grandmother’s house and her complex of garden, studio, apartments and rental houses was in that band between the Styx and Charity Street. Clara grew up on the other side of Charity in what was mostly white,mostly working class and lower middle class neighborhood. Her family had land in the country too but not much and around their house thay had a lot with a garden, a few fig, pear and shade trees. All the four children went to Mount Carmel Elementary and Vermilion Catholic High School. All four got university degrees two of them earned more than one degree. Whether we could have been friends outside of school when were really young I do not know. But we never achieved that status. She never had people throw birthday parties for her as a child and did not come to my swimming birthday parties when I invited the whole class because she did not know how to swim. 

When one lives in a small town there are lots of things that have a special meaning invisible to outsiders. Whether in the hit song “Small Town” by John Cougar Mellencamp or in te name of the Country band Little Big Town one finds that lots of Americans have  had a small town identity all during my lifetime. In small towns we all have our inner maps of what that town’s sites and landmarks mean just as big city dwellers and the true denizens of the country and wilderness weave their identities into the marks on their own home landscape. Life is lived out on a map of shared values and another map of personal meaning is imposed upon it.  For me part of that meaning which illustrates the mental complexity of what is in many ways a simple town, there is the story of El Camino. El Camino’s name caught my eye when it opened. Camino is just an older Spanish word for road and there are many roads named caminos around the Spanish Speaking World. A Camino Real is a royal road and a current hotel chain,big in Mexico when I was young. These were the best roads of the Spanish Empire as well. In the English Bibles we translate Jesus’ words, “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.” Way there means road not method, as in the Appian Way in Italy and a very few other road names compared to the ones named road or highway or route.  The first El Camino restaurant in Abbeville was founded in the building that had once housed the well known Midway Restaurant where Concord Street (Rue de La Concorde) reaches the streets around the town square that is the middle square on the original city plan between the Vermilion Parish Courthouse Square and the Church Square, that has been occupied by the Church and its other buildings for along time. The Mexican restaurant with some Cajun and standard American accents was originally founded by a family with toots in the AMerican State of Michigan and the Mexican state of Michoacan. My cousin Joshua Broussard whom I have mentioned in this memoir  and my ex wife both waited on tables at that place. The building has been through quite a few owners since and it is now used by Tito’s La Casa owned by another out of towner from far away. Clara and I have eaten there and we had lunch there with my mother just a couple of weeks ago. Rue del Concorde symbolizes the peace between the State represented by the Courthouse and the town square and church representing the people beyond their role in the state – under the meaning of Megret’s plan.  It is the same plan line as Charity Street. The central artery line as Charity Street runs to the Courthouse square which is almost entirely occupied by the massive courthouse since the current A Hays Towne designed building was built on the square Megret designed. The bulk of the town is built off of Charity Street heading East toward the town of Erath and most of the town runs off those  streets that intersect with Charity. Then the Concord Street section runs one block to the town square. The last block of that line runs to the bridge over the river by passing in front of the church. So the Church Square is on a different line. That last block is Pere Megret Street now but originally was bounced between two other names and a continuation of the Concord Street name. In modern automotive times a bypass highway was built from a new bridge over the Vermilion River to the highway leading to Erath. One of the businesses to build on the Bypass was the Pitt Stop. The chain of locations typically had two elements: a Pitt Stop gas station and 24 hour convenience store and a Pitt Grill which was a 24 hour diner. Both businesses or gone now, but the Grill went first, it became a pool hall and then  was sold to El Camino which relocated there largely in search of better visibility and parking, although both spots are visible and have parking. The original family sold El Camino to the Friths whom I have done business with all my life including at the old incarnation of  Mickey’s. Drive Inn and at other eateries thay own. Trent Frith played football with my cousins, one of whom was one of two priests to witness Clara and  I being wed in the ceremony they concelebrated at St. Mary Magdalen. All of that connection to small town history is different from connecting to landmarks in a city that everyone knows from movies and TV. This is my world. But the reason that El Camino’s name always caught my notice is because the restaurant came to town after I had lived with my family in El Camino community in Colombia, South America. That is a connection that I am going to begin to develop in this chapter about the summer of 1977. That will follow one more connection with the Abbeville  El Camino. 

On March 6, 2024 after the Anticipated Mass for Divine Mercy Sunday at St. Mary Magdalen Church, my mother took Clara and I and my brother Simon out to eat at El Camino Restaurant. I believe that we all enjoyed the meal together. My father died on September 11, 2022 and thus missed my wedding to Clara on November 19, 2022. This week she has started having official and formal dates with a man that she was friends with many decades ago when the man who took her dancing was married to a woman who worked in my father’s office when he was the Assistant District Attorney. As couples they once moved in the same crowd.

“So how did it go?” I asked over the hot Queso  Camino as I indulged in holding Clara’s hand at various moments. “You told me, when we spoke yesterday on the phone, that you had a date yesterday evening.”
“Well I suppose it was a date. D_______ invited me to go and hear the live music and dance with him at Kelvin’s. He picked me up at five o’clock but the band did not actually start until eight o’clock and he goes to sleep at eight o’clock. “ She played with her expression very well, leaving it to us to see how she might feel about all this before she continued. “ It worked out well. We simply talked with each other for about an hour and a half. He seemed to need the time for us to converse alone because he seems intimidated by me.”

“Have you known each other a long time?” Clara asked.

“You mean D____, has he known me long before this?” My mother asked her.

“Yes.” Clara affirmed that was what she meant.

“Yes D______ and his wife E_________ as well as Louise and Albert, I______ and C______ and Frank and I were all in the same crowd years ago. But we have never spoken much since I became a missionary.”
“So, he was intimidated because he knows who you really are.” Clara explained her line of conversation.

“Intimidated by me? Why?”My mother queried.

“Because you have lived a big life.” Clara asserted.      

“I have lived a big life” My mother agreed.

I have maintained a pretty close relationship with my mother, even though there have been plenty of times of strain and sorrow. Mostly we have enjoyed each other’s company, but there have been days and weeks when there was nothing easy about it. That allows for some standard by which to assess the text I cite below.  In my mother’s second book about our lives, published in 2012 she writes:

 “Beau entered Mount Carmel Elementary in Seventh Grade. Beau was persecuted at school. The other kids teased him for professing boldly that he believed in Jesus. Recently visited with a woman who was a year behind Beau in school. Tears streamed down my face as she related the suffering he had endured from those who teased him at Mount Carmel Elementary. Part of his difficulty stemmed from changing his position as one  of the more financially and socially privileged to one of the least privileged and the poorest. – a hard transition in a small community.”(Summers, Acts page 14).

This was the experience I spelled out in my last chapter.  I had a life outside of school, but that next summer I would see that there were a lot of pressures in that life that were in conflict with one another as well. I was going to begin to feel more than before that there might not be much hope of me rising above a state of crisis. I was starting to see that I was feeling checkmated in all directions and I certainly knew a good number of people in the Styx who lived lives of very little hope. But there was a government housing project subsidized  for “the poor on one edge of the Styx, that was also not the styx. Rabbit Hill was a poorer and more troubled neighborhood. Mostly the only  people “on the dole’ in a big way in The Styx  were the increasing number of mentally ill people who were no longer in institutions or groups homes. They came to the neighborhood for low rents, to access the charity of bread and some soup at the Christian Service Center, The St. VIncent De Paul Center (eventually) absorbed by the Christian Service Center and the charitable kitchen at Open Door Community. Some were “shell shocked” veterans with PTSD and honorable discharges, other mentally ill people were hard working oilfield folks who had sustained head injuries. The neighborhood had a city councilman who made the papers and got things done. Prostitutes and pot dealers provided services people wanted and got paid for them. People operated stores of various kinds without signage or licenses but sold real good at reasonable prices from veggies, to auto parts to desserts. A few people rented rooms and some repaired motors or tools. A few had significant gardens and one had a large and substantial lily farm on several lots because Abbeville was not zoned. Gangsters were generally under a truce in The Styx in those days. They went out of the neighborhood to fight. My not- quite- girlfriend’s grandmother being beaten almost to death was not typical. It shocked the baddest  men I knew. “Whores” sometimes escaped from the lock down brothels outside the neighborhood and sometimes found shelter under local pimps who helped them find their way to better places and sometimes got bus tickets, modest clothes and a Bible from religious workers. The Christian Service center helped people fill out forms for Medicaid, for Food Stamps, for job applications, for legal aid and for lots of other things but only if people asked. Otherwise it tended to fit the profile of the neighborhood. Privacy, private charity and private enterprise  providing short or long term jobs were the norm. My girlfriend lived near the Christian Service Center as well and I gave her a nice present on her April 4th birthday. She had plan with girls and was turning fourteen and a boyfriend not yet 13 was not very cool. But we still were not dating anyone else and we still were trying to see if we could figure it all out. I was trying to finish the school year and so was she at her school and we both did…              

When the seventh grade year ended we celebrated Sarah’s first birthday and I was working enough to get her a present but also  volunteering a good bit at the Christian Service Center. In addition, my little group of guys started to get lawns referred to us by the Christian Service Center people who would pay our lower rates but could not afford the normal rate. I bought a second mower and a retiree gave us a third for four good mowings and trims. We learned to tug the mowers behind our bikes and on far more distant trips we hired a young man who had just finished high school  and owned a very battered pickup truck. WHen he worked he dropped off a load of boys a mower, a trimmer and a bike. Then he came back and picked up the other kid and two mowers. He manned the other mower and they had a trimmer. I paid him double what the other kids got. I started bringing home food for the family and gifts for the community. I treated my little not-quite-girlfriend to treats and bought Sarah a nice birthday present. I saved what I could. We still had the lawns from our list the last few months who were mostly connections from the days when Mom and DId had lived in the more prosperous part of town.

My birthday was on June 15 as it is every year. I had a number of different celebrations. My parents helped to put on a swimming party far my friends at my mother’s parents’s pool. I did not  invite friends from school but from the neighborhood mostly with perhaps one or two exceptions. Totally out of character for everything, in almost every way, my Dad’s mother took me and my not-quite-girlfriend to dinner together. We rode back to our neighborhood in the back of my grandmother’s luxury car. “Thank You Gammy!” I said. Somehow. I knew that if things went a certain way, I could end up falling in love with my almost 14 year old girlfriend, losing my virginity to her and marrying her. But I also knew that there were many reasons why that might not happen. I was careful to try to support my parent’s ministry and community ties, I was careful to flatter them as well and in addition I truly believed in many of their ideal and values and I definitely believed in Jesus. But I was also very much trying to make some money, woo a girl while I was thirteen and find some way to matter in the community. My girlfriend and I barely kissed after that dinner and it would be one of the very last times we had any uncomplicated affection. But we have mutually acknowledged memories, that is different than some women I have since known with whom there is no recognition of any connection. 

Not long after my birthday, I was trying to spend more time with the volunteers at the service center. I tried to combine unpaid prayer and service with the opportunities to acquire new lawns for my group which somehow seemed to happen. I felt that Dad had mixed feelings about my little business. “Praise God! I am glad that you are doing these things, I heard from Pres that there is a chance for you to cut at the family law office.” 

“That suits me.” I answered, “We have two lawns in the same neighborhood. I will call him shortly. ”
“Great but what will you do if we go on a trip this summer?” Dad asked.

“I have arrangements with Donald to lead the group. I have left a little money in advance at the repair and sharpening shop. He will set aside three dollars a lean as my cut. But of course it is a problem. I hope to get back in time to solve. If we are going back overseas then I might be able to accept that more easily. You know that I am not very happy at school. But I am trying.”

“Mom and I got a letter from Father Jim Mitchell that we wrote to at El Camino community in Columbia. You can read the letter when we get home and we will talk about it . But he is going to be in Ann Arbor and we are thinking of going back to the Word of God Community to see him when he arrives there.”

“It will be hard to risk a lot on the changes but I do like traveling and I would feel like we were living as missionaries if we went to live and work in Columbia. I find it hard to explain to people that we are missionaries who were called by God to be missionaries and we live here in our hometown.” .  .  

That conversation was unusually candid and honest on my part. Soon we were with Mom and little Sarah playing and talking about the trip. I suggested that we might borrow Gammie and Papa’s old farm truck. Mom suggested that we borrow the truck bed top camper shell from her parents that was just sitting abandoned outside. The trip was now a camping trip and somehow we still had some camping supplies that had survived some out dispossessions and we bought more supplies. We got in touch with my aunt Susan who had wanted us to visit her at her newish home in Truckee, California. We planned a trip to visit the old friends and ministries we had left behind in El Paso, A group of El Paso friends who had moved to Phoenix, a mission organization we had corresponded with in Oxnard, California and along the way to see national and state parks, this would bring us to Truckee for a long visit. Then we would similarly camp and drive to reach Ann Arbor, Michigan. After that we would visit Jim and Kathy in Brown’s Cove and Charlottesville, VIrginia. We might if we did that stop by Augusta Georgia and then come back home. We would cover most of the outer tiers of states if this was actually to be our route. I felt bad leaving my lawns and potential girlfriend, but I did feel an attraction to the romance of the road and the possible life in the missions in Columbia made more sense to me than our life in Abbeville.It was clear to me that I was going to struggle with a lot of different issues. But a lot of them would have to with money.  I could put those worries on hold in the missions.

.  .       .  

I was a teenager now, that was the term that had so much meaning in the United States of America. I knew  that losing the cutting season of the summer would be a big setback in income, but I also knew that it could be more time to bond with Mom and Sarah. I had not been seeing them as much lately and I was very busy in ways that were not going to solve all our problems. I found the time I spent at the Christian Service Center rewarding, I hoped to see a more intense  relationship with my girlfriend and  I liked hanging with my guys as we cut grass. But I knew that I was a traveler and a missionary or else I was a confused kid fighting an impossible battle to find a place to be.someone I could feel comfortable with at all levels. . 

The values of The Styx are not the only values that I bring with me. But when I think of AMerica and what it is and what it is not I think of that neighborhood often. I sense it was closer to the essence of America than many other places. I leave this thought as  grounds for my own sense of why my time there mattered as much as it did. 

“Yet, rather than regarding this diversity as grounds for despair, Madison took it as a source of his new republicanism. The task of government, he maintained, should not be to eliminate the causes of faction, as the ancient writers had argued, so much as to control their effects. The most obvious of these effects was diversity in property. A primary task of statesmanship in the modern commercial republic, then, would  not be to impose equality of property, but to manage the differences between their different kinds.(Steven B.Smith “Learning from Publius”; National Affairs; number 54, winter 2023:page 99

So it was with a troubled goodbye to my girl and my lawn guys that I set out with my family. “Thank God there is a little window that slides in this truck, we can all talk” I said to Mom as we reached the first stop to eat the meal she cooked up on our Coleman Camping Stove. “This is not very comfortable or elegant but it works a whole lot better than I would expect since the truck never had a camper before according to everyone I asked.”

“Yes, it is nice to camp because the campgrounds are beautiful often and so we pull up and we are in a beautiful place, no matter how we arrive.”.Mom replied.

“ I do love nature.” I assured her.

In El Paso things had changed, we had wonderful visits with friends but I got the impression that The  Lords School might not be reopening the next year. There was a new regime at La Cueva and even Father Rick seemed to find it more awkward to be with us -although we were all still friends..

In Phoenix we met wonderful friends who had moved from El Paso and put us up in some comfort. They were all thrilled to meet Sarah. But there was a definite sense that we were just visiting. It was a common thing in those days in Abbeville and elsewhere that people asked us to pray for the sick. Many reported feeling better and some with desperate prognoses were healed very soon afterwards. We would hear stories about this sort of thing whenever we doubled back to meet people. There were people who faked such things I knew and those which could be easily explained. But this was a constant strand in my life and included my own prayers and a good people over the years from 9 to 22 years of age who told convincing stories that I had been given a gift of healing that God had used to set them right and make them well. It happened frequently in my parents’ ministry as well. My parents had their troubles and it was not always easy to live with the very human struggles they could get into. My mother truly and sincerely wanted to be a good wife and mother and then go to heaven after a long life. But she also wanted to go to heaven tomorrow whenever things got too bad. But I did enjoy bonding more with Mom and Sarah on the trip.

I did emphasize that when I had traveled these roads with Gammie and PauPau we had seen a lot of sites and reminded them of another time we had seen a few. I really wanted to revisit the Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, the painted Desert, The Petrified Forest and other places I loved. I know we visited a few and I was glad we did. But we passed a lot of great scenery at night partly because it was cooler to drive at night and we had very little air conditioning crossing the Southwest desert in the summer. We prayed with and shared food with a couple of people in the campsites. I began to feel like we were really on the edge of American society and that the religious lunatic fringe that one could find on the highways and campsites had just as many problems as the mainstream. At every site I bought a postcard with my dwindling money and mailed it home to either a grandparent or my girlfriend. I also bought my girlfriend a couple of nice presents.

When we reached the mission organization in Oxnard, I could not believe family I met were supporting missionaries but they were – i knew that to be true. My sense of scandal came not from their sins or behavior being immoral. I was scandalized because they wrapped all their furniture and carpets in plastic except for on special occasions. This was to make things last longer. I couldn’t fit together the openness to people around the world and the same family requiring all the people they actually knew to sit on uncomfortable sheets of cheap plastic to protect their possessions. But despite feeling uncomfortable.  I made pretty good friends with their son. He seemed so relieved that I did not make him feel like his parents were crazy. I felt good about making him feel respected – but I did think his parents might be crazy.

When we got up to Truckee my aunt Susan was working two and a half  part-time jobs, she was a waitress in an omelet restaurant, worked as some kind of clerk in a public utility and helped the mechanics with some things at the municipal airport garage. She had a great middle sized house on the Truckee RIver she was fixing up. We prayed with her friends who were not so religious, she was divorced from Don,  her Mormon husband, they had split up and they had no children to keep them in close contact.. While we were there we went to see him as well and he gave us a tour of a water treatment system he helped to manage. Afterwards we had “a  Catholic and Backsliding  Mormon” prayer meeting according to Don. It was kind of sad, even though I loved hiking around Truckee. While I was there walking I saw one of the men who I had known to be associated with the old traditions in Abbeville and with several lines of  families I was related to on my father’s side, Seeing him at any place other than South Louisiana was a revelation. The old man told me not to talk about him but he talked with me.. He said that he watched  certain people now and then and my Aunt Susan was one of them.  I kept my word and never talked of this encounter for many years. I was feeling like the odds of my life working out well were not good, yet I also truly believed in the power of a spiritual path and the one I was on in life with my parents. 

Our time in Ann Arbor and Word of God Community reunited me with my friends who had cystic fibrosis. Our relationship was complicated by many factors I cannot discuss, comfortably even here. But my parents and I were there mostly because Fr. Jim Mitchell was there from the El Camino community in Colombia. They mostly met with him without me. But by that time I had an interest in the publishing and other businesses being run by the community and I got some great tours of some of those facilities. We also saw Ralph Martin again who was a very important figure in the Catholic Charismatic Renewal. 

We then went down from Ann Arbor to Brown’s Cove and  Charlottesville to visit with Jim and Kathy. They put us up a little while and had a new garden. Jim distinctly remembers Sarah becoming fascinated with the tomatoes – plants and fruit and calling them ‘may-mays” She was a long way short of the two year norm for speaking but like me she was an early talker.  We were not here very long before we were on the way back to Abbeville, to Open Door Community and we were only able to stop in and visit Faith VIllage for a brief visit.

When we got back to Abbeville, I was eager to bring my gifts to my girlfriend. She accepted them graciously but I could see things were never going to be the same. She was going to high school at a big public High School and was likely to make the cheer squad. My lawn business was barely limping along. But I felt like I was back to being someone I recognized. I was the traveler coming home from my travels to Abbeville with my family. Somehow, I would be going back to school as a missionary kid with no immediate plans to go into the missions. But I was hoping to find my way forward.

Chapter Thirteen of Online Memoir: Don’t Call it Unlucky Thirteen

This chapter is a little different than any other. Many people, if writing about their whole lives would say that their middle school years were difficult. My middle school years were in fact quite difficult., Over the years my view of the years has changed but for a long time almost all the recollections were painful. But over the years, I established some better relationships with some of my former classmates and a few years ago I started dating, became engaged to and married Clara – a girl I liked but did not know well  in those days. But those future outcomes were very far in the future when I lived through very important transition in my life. It is about coming home and planning to return in mid year to my old school. Mount Carmel Elementary School in Abbeville was where I had gone to first, third, fourth and half of fifth grade.  Now I would be returning there for some of my middle school year studies. This would be a very challenging transition for me and it was one I would think about a great deal over the rest of my life. Because it was so important, I want to take the time and space to outline its significance for my one theoretical reader who may dig this up from a digital archive in a few hundred years as part of a research project. In fact, I still entertain the hope that someone may read this chapter during my lifetime.   

I was heading back to Abbeville in the middle of the school year, wondering about what that would mean. In the world of memoirs and autobiographies there are many stories of education. I specifically have mentioned The Education of Henry Adams. I have also spent some time reading and entering into the school years of CS Lewis  chronicled in Surprised by Joy. The tortured experiences of a child of lesser means and great ability at elite British schools  in George Orwell’s Such, Such Were the Joys. Also read of the education of a member of Louisiana’s declining planter elite in his education by tutors in Lanterns on the Levee. But this was before J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter novels had enamored the world with a magical school like Hogwart’s. The Jesuit book in the first house we stayed in when we got to El Paso made school seem special but the idea of Robert Louis Stevenson was that boys were kidnapped or marooned  or separated from schools and had great adventures. The Jean George novel, My Side of the Mountain published in 1959 was popular among middle school readers and told about how a boy left New York City to live on his grandfather’s abandoned farm in the Catskills, learns a bunch of  life and wilderness skills on the way then ends up making his home in a hollow tree when he reaches the farm and finds that the farmhouse is gone. Tarzan by Edgar RIce Burroughs was the tale of a boy raised by the most humanlike (anthropoid) of all apes and by dim memories of his high born parents as well as access to their tools and library.     The idea of  school was  part of the good adventure of life in childhood for women writers like Louisa May Alcott in her novels, Little Women and Little Men.  It was certainly a central part of development for Laura Ingall WIlder in her Little House on the Prairie series of novels but for her and for Alcott, family, farm, nature , church and larger social trends overshadow the school as an institution. In C.S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia, the kids get scooped out of our universe to go to Narnia. They are school children in England but the adventures happen elsewhere – nobody at school would understand those adventures very well. Also in the same Lewis series the Narnian education includes a tutor who is a half dwarf who helps a young Prince Caspian to escape into the wilderness to find his future and survive his murderous usurping Uncle Miraz.  School itself in Narnia can be horrifying, here are two passages from the second to last chapter of Prince Caspian in the chronicles. That illustrate this point, the first is the boys school from the Telmarine occupation of Narnia..

At a little town half-way to Beaversdam, where two rivers met, they came to another school, where a tired looking girl was teaching arithmetic to a number of boys who looked very like pigs. She looked out of the window and saw the divine revelers singing up the street and a stab of joy went through her heart. Aslan stopped right under the window and looked up at her.

“Oh, don’t, don’t,” she said. “I’d love to. But I mustn’t. I must stick to my work. And the children would be frightened if they saw you.”

“Frightened?” said the most pig-like of the boys. “Who’s she talking to out of the window? Let’s tell the inspector she talks to people out of the window when she ought to be teaching us.”

“Let’s go and see who it is,” said another boy, and they all came crowding to the window. But as soon as their mean little faces looked out, Bacchus gave a great cry of Euan, euoi-oi-oi-of and the boys all began howling with fright and trampling one another down to get out of the door and jumping out of the windows. And it was said afterwards (whether truly or not) that those particular little boys were never seen again, but that there were a lot of very fine little pigs in that part of the country which had never been there before.

The second is the description of the girls school from the same day at the end of the Telmarine occupation of Narnia:

The first house they came to was a school: a girls’ school, where lot of Narnian girls, with their hair done very tight and ugly tight collars round their necks and thick tickly stockings on their legs, were having a history lesson. The sort of “History” that was taught in Narnia under Miraz’s rule was duller than the truest history you ever read and less true than the most exciting adventure story.

“If you don’t attend, Gwendolen,” said the mistress, and stop looking out of the window, I shall have to give you an order-mark.”

“But please, Miss Prizzle – ” began Gwendolen.

“Did you hear what I said, Gwendolen?” asked Miss Prizzle.

“But please, Miss Prizzle,” said Gwendolen, “there’s a LION!”

“Take two order-marks for talking nonsense,” said Miss Prizzle. “And now – ” A roar interrupted her. Ivy came curling in at the windows of the classroom. The walls became a mass of shimmering green, and leafy branches arched overhead where the ceiling had been. Miss Prizzle found she was standing on grass in a forest glade. She clutched at her desk to steady herself, and found that the desk was a rose-bush. Wild people such as she had never even imagined were crowding round her. Then she saw the Lion, screamed and fled, and with her fled her class, who were mostly dumpy, prim little girls with fat legs. Gwendolen hesitated.

“You’ll stay with us, sweetheart?” said Aslan.

“Oh, may I? Thank you, thank you,” said Gwendolen. Instantly she joined hands with two of the Maenads, who whirled her round in a merry dance and helped her take off some of the unnecessary and uncomfortable clothes that she was wearing.

Wherever they went in the little town of Beruna it was the same. Most of the people fled, a few joined them. When they left the town they were a larger and a merrier company.

These two schools are described on the same day in the narrative as Aslan, the Christlike Lion god (in the company of the Pevensie girls on break from their schools in England) liberates the land for Old Narnians and the Telmarines who are willing to live as Narnians in peace with mystical races and Talking Beasts. The other Telamrines who surrender are sent to a remote island on Earth (when the first Telmarines came) not to a modern country with modern schools. There they may beuld a better society than any theu have yet known. 

  .  

We had returned home from our time in the United Kingdom when Dad was studying at King’s College at the University of London, my Mom’s brother – my Uncle Jed– had traveled with us and gone to school at an ENglish Boarding School. We had returned from the time we lived in Manhattan, New York City, New York.  In addition, we frequently had gone on trips from Abbeville and returned to speak about these trips and the places we had seen with our friends and acquaintances in Abbeville. I  also  knew that we had seen my Uncle Jim on our most recent trip and we had traveled across the country once and stopped in to see my Uncle WIll  who was in a military school out of state. On another trip, we had seen where my Dad;s sister Susan was living in San Francisco. We were accustomed to traveling and to telling the story of places we had gone and what we had learned from the trip. The time we had been back after the visit to EL Paso was somewhat different. There was a sense of having had a great experience and we had some interesting stories. There was the joy of Sarah’s birth and the joy of sharing our faith. But there was also the sense that we had no real place to live out our new experience and there was a real sense that we had lost our old place.

The idea of creating meaning through taking a journey and finding some transformation in the journey is fairly universal. Those who study stories have noted this. 

12. Return with the Elixir

In which our Hero has a triumphant homecoming.

Finally, the Hero gets to return home. However, they go back a different person than when they started out: they’ve grown and matured as a result of the journey they’ve taken.

But we’ve got to see them bring home the bacon, right? That’s why the protagonist must return with the “Elixir,” or the prize won during the journey, whether that’s an object or knowledge and insight gained.

Of course, it’s possible for a story to end on an Elixir-less note — but then the Hero would be doomed to repeat the entire adventure.

https://blog.reedsy.com/guide/story-structure/heros-journey/#12__return_with_the_elixir

I am not sure what degree the feeling of a hero’s return was there for my parents but I think very little of it was there for me. On the other hand VInce Listi was going to have a job in ministry in our home town and he and his wife had been involved in the Catholic Charismatic Renewal in the region. That meant they were at leat a little bit involved in the process of payer about forming a residential community in an old Hawthorne Street Housing complex, not far from where they were moving. They were moving into the complex of buildings for th defunct African American Catholic Parish of Our Lady of Lourdes, where the Church had burnt down and the school of St. Elizabeth Seton Elementary was slowly winding down towards closing for ever. The Listis and Bernards would share the large abandoned rectory rent free and Vince Listi would direct the Christian Service Center operating out of the abandoned convent that had housed the sister who served the parish. I am writing this memoir in 2024 and this year there is a pretty successful movie called Cabrini.   The community of nuns that had served the parish and lived in the convent that would become the  Christian Service Center  were members of Mother Cabrini’s order. The site of all this would be sad and also hopeful with renovations and repurposing.

Our family had no job there and would be renting a house at first. I tried to contribute a faith filled enthusiasm for what Mom and Dad were doing but I was actually feeling a significant amount of doubt and anxiety about all the facts that I just mentioned. When I went to school I would have my own room in a fairly big house across from the old convent and we had a decent yard and the house we rented was in decent shape and had a porch swing and a large sitting room. But I felt very ill at ease. Almost all the kids who were  my neighbors went to public schools that I had not even visited in town. In my old neighborhood, most kids went to the same Catholic school I had attended. One of my best friends from the shool lived not too far away. That was awkward for me because he had always said that his house was the boundary of The Sticks (also the Styx), the mixed race and somewhat rougher neighborhood in which I now clearly resided. My parents seemed to have a different point of view about all of these changes than I could come up with.  I was pretty stressed and would be stressed again and again. Over the years other things would stress me but this period was very stressful.  

I never felt that I had a lot of margin for error to live on in life. I always felt a fair degree of insecurity even when others might have said that I was privileged. But to return to our home town where we had been prosperous to live in a state of  some kind of run down position as failed missionaries seemed almost the hardest thing in the world. In addition, Mom and Dad had resigned their jobs as teachers at St. John’s Marist Boys School  (Dad’s job) and St. Mary’s Marist Girls School in Tonga where they had a salary and a house provided for the work they did, in addition people had been sending donations from home to the infirmary run by the Marist nuns where we volunteered. Life had seemed to make some sense. In Samoa they had been houseparents for Youth WIth a Mission and the culture of the organization was that they would raise their own support from donors, but they got some room and board. However, they had not raised much support. In New Mexico nothing had gelled from a lifestyle point of view and in El Paso the La CUeva ministry had not worked out for the long term, partly because it was a ministry that required some SPanish speaking and we did not speak enough Spanish to amount to anything. Then Dad had mowed pastures while living  in Abbeville. But since then we had wandered without any real effort to take root economically. I felt that Dad’s view of Gospel Poverty was somehow unhinged and not in sync with the gospels or the epistles or the Acts of the Apostles which he quoted. But I also believed it was very possible that God had called my Dad to the impossible task of creating a path  that would allow Catholic families to do new and beautiful things for God without being trapped in a belief that such adventures were only for clerics and religious.  I  also believed it was very possible that God had called my Dad to the impossible task of creating a path  that would allow American families to do new and beautiful things for God without being trapped in a belief that such adventures were only for those not obligated to spending all their time chasing what Dad had referred to a s the Almighty Dollar  in my early childhood when he was an atheist and he half loved money and half loather the idea of defining everything by its dollar value. I also believed it was very possible that God had called my Dad to the impossible task of creating a path  that would allow people  with advanced degrees and lots of worldly experience a chance to do new and beautiful things in spiritual theology without being trapped in a belief that such adventures were only for clerics and trained theologian on the one hand or simplistic populist preachers stirring emotion on the other hand. I just wondered if he could follow God’s call without doing too much irreparable harm to my Mom, my sister and myself. So far I had determined that I would have to live a triple life. First, I would sincerely seek to find my way to serve and follow Jesus Christ in the Catholic Church and to be a good son and brother in my missionary family. Secondly, I would seek to make sure that I was going the things that needed to be done for me to thrive and have a future and to contribute to the family’s well being and I would learn to cloak these rational behaviors in language and appearances that would not encourage the parents that I could not trust to derail those plans – I would live a life under cover. Thirdly, I would live a life responding to an ever increasing  sense that I had limits some people did not have that were at odds with my needs and desires, my body and emotions would at various points just let me down and leave me feeling exhausted, pained and unable to act. I didn’t know how all of that would work out – but at 12 years old,  it seemed both certain that this was my path going forward and certain that it would be a heavy load.

The idea of heading home was hard but once we started on our way I was excited to see my grandparents. The future was mirky but it would be fun to reconnect with some things I knew. Today as I type the main draft of this chapter, I am back in Abbeville and have lived here for years. The way I live is not very much connected  to any of the ideas I had back then about life in Abbeville.  

The woman I am married to today had her own sorrows and I would not learn about them for a long time. I never formed a puppy love relationship in middle school with any of the girls at Mount Carmel Elementary. There were pretty many of such relationships. However, I did form a connection with a girl in the neighborhood that never went far enough or fast enough to really give me a solid reputation as a male of my age in my circle  – but it lasted for quite a while and had some key learning experiences as well.

The great consolation of my new life when we got back to Abbeville was very definite in  material terms was that I got a new bike as and early Christmas present. The cool bike was a ten speed English racer of any brand that was available at a good store..  My was what I asked for a three speed with wider tires and a very well made wire basket big enough to carry something substantial. I was happy that I I got it but I never looked cool on it. However, it could do what the other bikes could do and it also made possible some micro businesses.that I would launch.

On that bike made with a Columbia nameplate I could get all around Abbeville and the surrounding area and I did do that to a remarkable degree. I will return to those escapades in the next chapters.  Abbeville is my home at this writing as well. .   

I am writing a good bit of the main draft of this thirteenth chapter of my online memoir during Easter Week. That is the week that follows Easter Sunday, Holy Week is the Week that precedes the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus on Easter Sunday.  Overall Holy Week was a good week with some things happening that could be good for Clara and I. But for each separately and both as a couple, we are weary as we are starting the Easter season that runs through at least to Pentecost. The sleepless hours in the middle of the night that plagued me terribly for years are with me now. I can hope that this will not be a long term pattern but it is a sign of my anxiety and stress. In turn this makes me more tired which makes it harder to do the things that I have to do and so that increases my anxiety and stress which makes it harder for me to sleep.  But that is only part of the story. Let’s take Easter Monday for example, I did manage to do some work around the house and to have a workout at the gym and also to spend some gym time visiting with Clara who also works out there. I felt some physical impairment that was hard to define and a flare up of my vertigo, my tinnitus was worse than usual and I had aches and pains. But I managed to set up an application for an appointment the next morning. Clara and I had some good visits because the office where she has been working in various capacities was closed on Easter Monday. She works at a Catholic Church Office and Holy Week is a very busy time for the church.  We had leftovers of the turkey I had roasted for ourselves and others to share on Easter Sunday. We were able to share wonderful hamburgers for supper that were made from the prim beef patties we had bought on Holy Saturday at Sams Club in Lafayette..

Tuesday I woke up and made some coffee, Clara and I visited and then she went to work. I had sold some insurance by the time my 10:30 morning sales/training meeting rolled around. I managed to do some laundry as well as having a good meeting. Then at noon we ate our leftover stew that I had cooked and served days ago and then reheated and plated for our lunch.   I have also had a chance to see that many of our plants are thriving, the leftovers from the food I cooked last week are being enjoyed and getting eaten. I took a good nap and had a successful sales/ training  meeting with Physicians Mutual. I also managed to chat with Clara about our upcoming schedule and I managed to  get a short nap. 

Wednesday I was too anemic to donate plasma but I did some house and yardwork and insurance work as well. Then on Thursday I did more around the house planned Clara’s sixtieth birthday party and did a little yard work and.some insurance training. In all this I also sought to be a Christian and an American and to fulfill other roles. Further I worked on Clara’s 60th birthday party. I live a pretty normal kind of life in my hometown.

My mother’s first book, Go You Are Sent: An Incredible Odyssey of Faith (which was published in 1995) ends with the same October  culmination of our stay in Brown’s Cove, Virginia  that begins her second book. The second book is called, Our Family’s Book of Acts: To Love and Serve the Lord (published in 2012). However, before the first chapter of the second book of out family story she has a page of acknowledgements;

Acknowledgements

This book has been written in little chunks of time over the span of a decade or more. Mainly I want to thank Frank, my knight in shining armor, for standing firm and not allowing me to drop this project. His insistence on accuracy and attention to grammar was essential. I want to thank my fabulous family for living our book of Acts. So many FMC missionaries have contributed what they thought was a small thing but really made a big difference. I am truly grateful for all of the people and places in the book. They have made our story possible.I thank my Dad who encouraged me and prayed over my manuscript from his sickbed. I thank Beau for his earlier insights and editing of the entire book. Mary painstakingly edited several chapters from the second draft. I thank David and VIcki Fruge who lent me their camp, that is a perfect writer’s haven. I thank Elizabeth Hollier for proofreading and editing. I thank John Paul for his work and cover design. Till T. Summers has done the final corrections. Sarah’s book Eat Raw Omelets, inspired me to finish mine, and that really was the catalyst. Thank you, Sarah. Without the technical computer assistance from James Franke, this work would not have made it to press. 

Thank You Jesus,  thank You Holy Spirit, and thank you, God My Father for all the miracles and especially the miracle of finishing this work.

“But they went forth and preached everywhere while the Lord worked with them and confirmed the word through accompanying signs.” Mark 16:20 NAB    

The list of people, accomplishments and  acknowledgements at the start of Mom’s second book are in contrast to the isolated family in Brown’s Cove, borrowing a telephone to call my mother’s father on his birthday. The first book ends in an oddly failed sort of place to end a memoir, testimony book or autobiography. Yes, the main characters in the first  book have had a transformative arc of experience. Yes, they have gone to interesting places and met interesting people and learned some things.  Yes, they  have had journey as missionaries – but they are headed back home and the book doesn’t really speak to whatever could have been qualified as their years of limited missionary success. If I live to finish this memoir, I will tell of my years distributing Mom’s first book in many places around the country and around the world. I never was able to really express the disappointment in how the book ended. In my own generally ugly view of how life and the world work, it seemed sadly fitting that I felt I could not distribute the second book due to malicious characterizations of my work distributing the first work. There are many reasons why the second book was not nearly as widely read as the first. But I do think that the years I spent developing a distribution network were one reason that the first  book was more widely read. Both books have some passages and some perspectives I  don;t agree with or support. There are facts that I dispute in each book. Some things in the second book disappointed me a great deal because they were errors added after the editing of her first draft into the one I handed in to her as she mentions in the acknowledgements. But overall her book is more fair in telling how our family did some good in the missionary lifestyle for which we had sacrificed so much.   

 I knew that I was dreaming. I knew it was not the same kind of dream as other dreams.This is where we cross a certain threshold, Here in this thirteenth chapter of my memoir we (“we” being me and my theoretical reader)  reach a place where there is no longer any safe crawling back to a safe reality. From now on I am simply not going back to the realm of keeping dreams and waking thoughts separate. Now is the point where I admit that I have had a long history of connections with something that I cannot prove exists. Yes, I believe in God and I pray. Yes I work had every day to learn all I can from science, from the great learned traditions and from nature and art in an experiential way.  But beyond all of that, there is something else. There is something that matters and  yet is of little significance because my life’s efforts have been of little significance. I have had a lifelong interaction with extraterrestrial intelligence. That is what this chapter is largely about.

 Here comes the part of the narrative where I come to the first of a number of points at which I claim to be separated out from the mass of men. Remember that during my early childhood I paid great attention to the space program. That continued to the degree that it was possible for me to follow the news about NASA and the agencies they cooperated with and competed against across the world.I was also aware of the fact that the symbol of Judaism was a star, the symbol of Islam was a crescent Moon, the Angels in the stained glass and paint of the great Cathedrals of europe and elsewhere often had wings. I was aware of all the mountaintops in the Judeo- Christian tradition and also of Mount Olympus, the worship of the sun in many societies and the Moon and stars in others. I was further aware that Jesus, Mary, Elijah and Enoch were believed to have been taken up into heaven. Jacob whose other name was Israel had seen a ladder with Angels going up and down from Heaven to Earth and back. .  

“When it comes to science, ours is a paradoxical era. On the one hand, prominent physicists proclaim that they are solving the riddle of reality and hence finally displacing religious myths of creation. That is the chest-thumping message of books such as The Grand Design by physicists Stephen Hawking and Leonard Mlodinow and A Universe from Nothing by Lawrence Krauss. A corollary of this triumphal view is that science will inevitably solve all other mysteries as well.

On the other hand, science’s limits have never been more glaringly apparent. In their desperation for a “theory of everything”—which unifies quantum mechanics and relativity and explains the origin and structure of our cosmos—physicists have embraced pseudo-scientific speculation such as multi-universe theories and the anthropic principle (which says that the universe must be as we observe it to be because otherwise we wouldn’t be here to observe it). Fields such as neuroscience, evolutionary psychology and behavioral genetics and complexity have fallen far short of their hype.”

https://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/cross-check/is-scientific-materialism-almost-certainly-false

The idea of what is real is only one of many imitations on what is permitted to discuss and what is allowed to be taken seriously. Is it possible that the universe is magical, miraculous and divine in a very literal sense and that some people experience its most magical aspects more directly than others?  Here are some other thoughts about all of that.

Naturalism remains a popular philosophy in the academic world. Its articulation varies, so let’s be clear what we mean. Theoretical physicist and philosopher Sean Carroll’s definition will suffice: “Naturalism is a philosophy according to which there is only one world—the natural world, which exhibits unbroken patterns (the laws of nature), and which we can learn about through hypothesis testing and observation. In particular, there is no supernatural world—no gods, no spirits, no transcendent meanings.” Advocates of naturalism tend to regard it as the inevitable accompaniment of a scientific mindset. It seems appropriate, therefore, to undermine it using the most fundamental of sciences: quantum physics.

Given its scientific pretensions, it’s appropriate that the doctrine that the natural world is self-contained, self-explanatory, and exceptionless is at least falsifiable. All we need is one counterexample to the idea that nature is a closed system of causes and effects, or one clear example of nature’s non-self-sufficiency, to be justified in rejecting naturalism, yet contrary evidence and considerations abound. Rather than trying to cover the gamut of cosmological fine-tuning, the origin of biological information, the origin and nature of consciousness, and the evidentiary value of near-death experiences,  let’s focus on the implications of quantum physics as a less familiar aspect of naturalism’s failure.

Quantum physics sets aside classical conceptions of motion and the interaction of bodies and introduces acts of measurement and probabilities for observational outcomes in an irreducible way not ameliorated by appealing to our limited knowledge. The state of a quantum system is described by an abstract mathematical object called a wave function that only specifies the probability that various observables will have a particular value when measured. These probabilities can’t all equal zero or one and measurement results are irreducibly probabilistic, so no sufficient physical reason exists for one outcome being observed rather than another. This absence of sufficient material causality in quantum physics has experimentally confirmed consequences that, as we shall see, put an end to naturalist conceits.

The delayed-choice quantum eraser experiment provides a good example with which to start. This experiment measures which path a particle took after wave function interference inconsistent with particle behavior has already been created. The interference can be turned off or on by choosing whether or not to measure which way the particle went after the interference already exists. Choosing to look erases wave function interference and gives the system a particle history. The fact that we can make a causally disconnected choice whether wave or particle phenomena manifest in a quantum system demonstrates that no measurement-independent causally-connected substantial material reality exists at the microphysical level.

In the course of this book I will declare a number of things that will be very hard for any potential reader to believe. But this is the first time I mention a recurring series of dreams that developed continually over my life. In the dream I went to a sort of conduit usually with a number of companions, who varied and none of whom were people from my life. On the way to the conduit I would see my home and the Earth and our sun shrinking away as I left them behind. Inside the conduit was an environment hard to define. On the other side was a vast glowing planet with a density unlike anything but with a form like that of an Earthlike planet. In future dreams I would come to see that the plant had a diameter of 1,000 lightyears but it did not compress because all matter in it was more charged than the matter of our universe can be.In One hemisphere nad a continent that was terraced mountains of many kind in rough rings and the lower levels and perfect rings at the higher levels rising for light years above sea level. There was a vast shelf around the edge of the continent and Seven great falls thundering into the sea. The sea was heavy with islands beyond thins thundering  roiling region and some had. Tower with bridges to the continent. The top of the mountain had a might growing cloud and sphere city resting on a tower and there was the throne of God. Immortal  Angels, Flying Beast and the spirits of mortal blessed beings in an after life were there. The rest of the Continent also resembled various visions of paradise and heaven people have had. The islands and seas were full of ELvish, Magical, dwarfish and mystical races and a few humans who had gone there alive and reproduced. The open seas were dominated by Leviathans a thousand miles long,.At the equator those things that died in the temporal realms of the seas were spawned or incarnated as themselves in most cases. On the other side of the globe was a hemisphere in dimness and twilight with leave that gave light more than the received it, Here there were beings call Neutral and Angel and Uninformed Angels and the souls of beings neither damned nor redeemed. But further in the continent were the tiers of the pit once occupied by a different civilization but now mostly the abode of damned angels and damned mortal in various torments and societies. At the bottom near the center of the planet was the City of Pandemonium and the throne of the one we call the Devil but also his prison.   Past him he watches a stream of souls pass who were his property by their deep sins in life but by God’s mercy pass to the winding ladders of purgatory and energy near the center if the blessed continent.  The world has three inhabited moons, one above the bottom pole fixed and unmoving and two  which are each spinning on their axis and orbiting the equator. Each of these is inhabited and bigger than any star in our universe. I f I typed for the rest of my life I would capture only part of what I perceived or imagined of this world in my dreams.

But for now I merely reveal that I had the dreams. The rest we will look at in time.